Q: Do the Fudge haters and general expectations weigh on your mental?
Fudge: It definitely weighs on my mind every now and then. Obviously, my image is quite bad mainly because I was on a team with very high expectations and I was playing that villain role with my persona a couple years ago. And I think from then on, it kinda became pretty normal for people not to like me.
A lot of people didn’t like C9, and a lot of people blamed me for C9 losing — a lot of the fans, and a lot of non-fans even. And I wasn’t playing up to the standard I set for myself with my words. So I think people generally dislike me — also just being on C9, there’s a lot more pressure to play very well.
I think people still remember that and, obviously, when everyone else around you is saying it, you start to think it. So the first couple people start hating me, then everyone starts hating me. I don’t think it affects me nearly as much as it did when it first started. When I was a rookie and I was playing bad, it affected me quite a bit.
I was used to winning everything. I was smurfing in academy, I was smurfing in OCE — I was playing pretty well. And then I come into LCS, and I get shit on because I’m not that good. And obviously, I was on C9 — the C9 fans are mad at me because the C9 fans had high high expectations. I can’t blame them. Obviously, they have high expectations, and I was put in a pretty hard position to be in as a rookie, but I got out of it.
And then I think I just kind of stagnated as a player, through the end of 2023 to 2024. I didn’t play up to the levels that people expected of me, and that made people dislike me. And now, there is that feeling of wanting to go back to being that solid player that’s really good at top lane, the best top lane in America, blah blah blah blah blah, someone who’s considered to be the best.
But at the same time, I think people kinda glamorize how good it feels to be called the best and be thought of as the best. The reality is you still have those insecurities about your play. You’re still seeking that validation constantly. I think trying to force my way to get that external validation from all the fans again isn’t the right path to go. […] Obviously, I was seeking that validation a lot in my first couple years. I still am to a degree.
But I think there’s a lot less riding on that part of it, as a pro player for me — [what matters] more is just me feeling like I’m mastering my craft. The main thing is feeling like I’m improving, and winning can make you feel that way. Internally, it feels like if I get better, then I feel better about myself.
Obviously, League of Legends is a part of my life. Back then, it was definitely the full part of my life. Nowadays, it’s not necessarily the only thing in my life. So, seeking that validation purely from League of Legends is not what I need anymore, and it’s more so about doing something that I love to do, because that’s really what life’s about. I mean, I love playing League. I love improving at League, and I love competing. Competing is so fun for me.
So, obviously, it sucks to lose, but the reason why it feels so good to win is because you lose. I’m looking forward to winning in the future, and I need to keep improving, keep mastering top lane.
Q: Does the two month break so early feel weird?
Fudge: It feels pretty weird, obviously, because I’m used to having quite a bit of time to ramp up — usually, regular season doesn’t really matter. Most splits I’ve played in the past, you just make playoffs, and then if you’re good during playoffs, that’s all that matters. But it feels like every game mattered a lot, from the start. And, obviously, we’re a new team, we haven’t played with each other a long time.
We, as individuals, weren’t very good. And we didn’t have the time probably we needed to be able to play against the top teams like FLY, TL, C9, and 100T. All of them, I think, were quite a bit better than us individually, and they obviously all play much better together as a team. They all they all know each other, they’ve all played with each other for quite a bit of time, for the most part.
We don’t really have that existing knowledge of playing with each other, except for Contractz-Palafox and Bvoy-Zeyzal [but] as a team, completely, not really. I don’t think we had a very good idea of how what would work best for us as a team, in terms of the compositions we play and the way we play the game. Throughout the whole split, it felt very loose. There there were no set ways we knew we wanted to play […] It kinda felt like we changed our decision in each situation, and it was very chaotic.
And, yeah, it felt pretty weird that after the first week, we [lost to FLY], who we thought was the best team in the league — and then if we lose our next series, we’re just completely out. So that felt pretty bad to [not have the time to] really get the gameplay down. But it is what it is. That’s how it is when you have three international tournaments now. We just have to adapt to it.
Obviously, we lost the first game vs TL in a pretty bad way. But in Game 2, I think it showed that, even if we play well in the early game, we have clear problems with our decisionmaking as a team in the mid to late game. […]
So, yeah, it doesn’t feel great. But at the same time, what can you really do?
Like, Zeyzal was put in a pretty shitty position too, because he didn’t think he was gonna be playing the whole split — and he just got subbed in last minute. At the end of December, we told him that Ceos wasn’t gonna be able to play, so he’d have to play […] and then he just comes in when he wasn’t really expecting it.
So, like, I commend Zeyzal. He was always pretty good personality for the team and he definitely helped the team have good vibes. But I’m not even saying it was just Zeyzal’s [fault], I don’t think that just because Ceos is coming back we’re gonna be a much better team. I think, realistically, we have clear issues, regardless of what happened with the substitution in support.
Q: Is the team planning to scrim through the break or bootcamp with Ceos?
Fudge: As soon as Ceos is gonna be able to practice, we will be probably scrimming throughout the break, with Ceos. We still have to figure out some of the Visa stuff with sales so that he can get here so that we can scrim with him, but I don’t believe that it’s gonna be too much longer. So we definitely plan to scrim throughout the break and keep track, because we definitely need that time to get our shit together.
Q: How has the team fit together outside of the game?
Fudge: I think outside of the game, we’re actually all pretty good. We hang out quite a bit after scrims, we eat together always, we have fun, crack jokes. I think Zeyzal also definitely helped with that.
I knew Zeyzal as well, because he was on C9 for quite a long time, as a coach and also in Academy, so he would always be around. Obviously, Reven used to be a coach on C9 as well. So I knew three people, and I liked all of them personality-wise. I think inside the game, we’re always gonna have clashing ideas and arguments and stuff.
But outside of the game, I think the vibes are all great. But, yeah, it’s hard to think about right now. It was fun playing with Palafox again too. Obviously, I already knew him from Academy. I played with him a whole year. He’s not changed too much since I last knew him, so it’s been about five years or so. He’s pretty much the same person.
Q: Do you have a message to C9?
Fudge: Congratulations to all the other teams going to Brazil, especially C9. I’m rooting for C9. Even though many people think I might not like C9, I actually really like C9. They’re still pretty friendly to me. Zven still makes all the fat Fudge jokes, which is kind of annoying. The guy’s obsessed with me or something, but good luck to him. Good luck to Vulcan. Good luck to Blaber.
Good luck to Thanatos and Loki too, but, I’ve known the other three for quite a long time. So yeah, I’m hoping they win because, honestly, they’re my favorite team outside of Shopify.